Redefining Valentine’s Day Expectations
For most of my life, I saw Valentine’s Day as a phony celebration—a day where societal norms pressured loved ones into grand gestures or consumer-driven purchases. I thought of it as one of the great scams of consumerism (and let’s be real, it still kind of is). For years, I refused to participate, feeling disconnected from the forced romanticism of the day.
However, as I’ve grown older, my perspective has shifted. I've come to understand that love exists in many forms beyond romance: the love of friends, family, and even the strangers who show us kindness in unexpected ways. Life has a way of getting busy, and before we know it, time has passed. Often, we unintentionally take those we cherish most for granted. As someone who has lost many people along the way, I now see the value in seizing moments to express love and gratitude, not just to romantic partners but to everyone who enriches our lives.
This shift has allowed me to reimagine Valentine’s Day as a celebration of all forms of connection. Instead of focusing on the commercialized ideal of romance, I’ve started using the day to intentionally celebrate the relationships that bring joy, support, and meaning to my life. It's not often we're forced to stop and reflect on the relationships around us.
Understanding the Emotions Valentine’s Day Can Bring
Valentine's Day often comes with high expectations. For some, it’s a celebration of love and connection, but for others, it can highlight feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, or unmet desires. These emotions can manifest physically as tension in the shoulders, a tight chest, or an uneasy stomach.
How to Process and Release These Emotions:
Create Space for Self-Care: Choose a comforting activity that nurtures you, whether it’s soaking in a warm bath, cooking your favorite meal, or reading a book.
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Sit with your emotions without judgment. Journaling can help identify what’s bubbling beneath the surface.
Ground Yourself: Engage in grounding exercises like focusing on your breath, planting your feet firmly on the ground, or holding a comforting object.
Move Your Body: Activities like yoga, stretching, or a walk can help release physical tension.
Seek Connection: Reach out to a friend or loved one to talk things through or share a moment of joy.
Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about flowers, chocolates, or grand gestures. It’s an opportunity to honor the people who matter to you in authentic and personal ways.
- For Friends: Send a heartfelt message, arrange a coffee date, or give them a small token of appreciation. Let them know what their presence in your life means.
- For Family: Write a letter to a parent or sibling expressing gratitude for their support, or cook a meal for them to enjoy together. Write a valentine to your children, really let them know how you feel and why you value their presence in your life.
- For Yourself: Take time to practice self-love. Treat yourself to a spa evening, indulge in your favorite dessert, or spend the day doing something you love unapologetically.
Letting Go of Expectations
If Valentine’s Day doesn’t resonate with you, that’s okay too. You don’t need to conform to societal norms or the expectations of others. Redefining the day might mean ignoring it altogether, or it could mean dedicating it to spreading kindness such as volunteering, donating to a cause, or surprising someone with a thoughtful gesture.
The true beauty of Valentine’s Day lies in its potential to be reimagined in a way that fits your values and beliefs. It’s not about what you buy or how you celebrate; it’s about honoring the connections and moments of love in your life, however you choose.
Final Thoughts
Valentine’s Day doesn’t need to be a day that defines you, your relationship status, or your worth. It’s simply another opportunity to share love with the world and the people who matter most to you, whether that’s romantic, platonic, familial, or self-love.
So this year, however you choose to celebrate (or not), remember that love is a gift to be shared freely and authentically, in ways big or small. And that’s what makes it meaningful.